The Intergalactic Laxative
It will get you from here to Mars!
This short post is intended as pure fun and nothing else. Hopefully, The Intergalactic Laxative1 will put a smile on your face, as it did for me when I first heard it 50 years ago! In fact, it had me smiling for at least a week afterward (which only proves that I am easily amused)!
Laxatives are sort of health-related, and this is definitely related to a personal anecdote, so I don’t think that with this topic I’m going too far astray of the stated purpose of my Electic Healing Substack. Donovan’s song is most definitely eclectic, and a little laughter will help anyone on their healing journey. So I believe it ticks off all the boxes for being appropriate to share with you all.
In 1976, I attended a Yes concert in Seattle, and it was my great good fortune that the opening act was Donovan. Both acts put on an awesome concert, but it is Donovan who I most definitely remember best.
This song is a total hoot! It’s a great song to download and take along on your next big road trip, to help smile away the boring freeway miles. Personally, I think it would be great fun if an airline were to offer it as a sing-along on longer flights.
It hit the charts in the UK in the 1970s, but failed to get much traction here in the States, likely because the lyrics include the word “shit,” which was a deadly sin back then. The version below is great, but it lacks the dynamics of Donovan’s live performance and his interaction with the audience. Still, it’s a lot of fun. Please enjoy this brief 3 minute video!
There is a version of this song performed live at a New York concert in 1976, but Donovan self-censors the “shit” parts, which greatly diminishes the experience. But if there was any chance of it being aired on TV, that was the price that had to be paid. I suspect he would have fared no better back then if he had used “poop” instead.
Remember: Truth Sustains Life. And so does Humor!
The Intergalactic Laxative
Performed by: Donovan
I was impressed like everyone,
When man began to fly,
Out of earthly regions,
To planets in the sky.
With total media coverage,
We watched the heroes land,
As ceremoniously
They disturbed the cosmic sand.
In awe with admiration,
We listened to the talk.
Such pride felt they,
Such joy to be
Upon the moon to walk.
My romantic vision shattered,
When it was explained to me,
Spacemen wear old diapers
In which they shit and pee.
Oh, the intergalactic laxative,
Will get you from here to there.
Relieve you and believe me,
Without a worry or care.
If shitting is your problem,
When you're out there in the stars,
Oh, the intergalactic laxative
Will get you from here to Mars.
They don't partake like you and I,
Of beefy burger mush.
Their food is specially prepared
To dissolve into slush.
Absorbed by multi-fibers
In the super diaper suit,
Otherwise the slush would trickle
Down inside the boot.
Oh, the intergalactic laxative,
Will get you from here to there.
Relieve you and believe me,
Without a worry or care.
If shitting is your problem
When you're out there in the stars,
Oh, the intergalactic laxative
Will get you from here to Mars.
You may well ask now what becomes
Of liquid they consume.
A pipe is led from penis head
To a unit in the room.
The water is recirculated,
Filtered for re-use.
In case of anti-gravity -
Pee gets on the loose.
Oh, the intergalactic laxative,
Will get you from here to there.
Relieve you and believe me,
Without a worry or care.
If shitting is your problem
When you're out there in the stars,
Oh, the intergalactic laxative
Will get you from here to Mars.
Wherever man has conquered,
On the quest for frontiers new,
(Da da da da)
I'm glad that he's always had to do
The number one and two.
It makes it all so ordinary,
Just like you and me,
To know the greatest heroes,
They had to shit and pee.
The intergalactic laxative
Will get you from here to there,
For cosmic constipation
There's none that can compare.
If shitting is your problem
When you're out there in the stars,
Oh, the intergalactic laxative,
The intergalactic laxative,
The intergalactic laxative,
Will get you from here to Mars.
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Written by Donovan Phillips Leitch. From the album Cosmic Wheels (1973). Lyrics provided by Musixmatch.
What a hoot – I needed some good laughs today, and this provided them. Thanks.
It brought to mind a story from a good friend of his days in the Air Force. He was not a pilot, but worked at a base where new planes and devices were tested. According to him, the worst scream of agony that he ever heard, or that anyone there had ever heard, was the result of a malfunction in the tube designed to allow a pilot to urinate (as the song mentions). The pressure was such that if a pilot urinated, the urine flowed into some receptacle, but it was more or less free flowing. However, on the occasion in question, the device got pressurized and when the pilot began urinating he was subjected to almost unimaginable g-force, literally. It took a while to correct the issue – don’t know if the poor pilot got a disability discharge or not.
Awesome comment! Thanks for sharing!